The Story is About   +  Samantha Schutz

Samantha Schutz

Books:

• I Don't Want to be Crazy (8/2007)
• You Are Not Here (10/2010)

And then, out of nowhere, Brian is killed in an accident. And while everyone else has their role in the grieving process, Annaleah finds herself living on the outside of it, unacknowledged and lonely. How can you recover from a loss no one will let you have?

The inspiration for this book came to me while I was sitting in a meeting at work. A coworker said something like, “Wow. That would be a crazy place to live.” The first thing I thought of is that it would be weird to live across the street from a cemetery. Later, I thought it’d be even weirder to live across the street from a cemetery if someone you cared about were buried there. That led me to wondering: what if a teenage girl’s boyfriend suddenly died and was buried outside of her window? At first I thought that I would make it about really lovely relationship, but soon realized that happy relationships are boring (to write/read about, anyway). After telling my editor my idea, he suggested that I make the boyfriend already dead on page one. And so it went… (Only now, the cemetery is a few blocks from her house. It seemed like overkill to have it be right out her window.)

All of these places in You Are Not Here are based on the actual neighborhood I grew up in: Douglas Manor, NY. It’s right on the border of Queens and Long Island (about 25 minutes by train from Manhattan). It’s a beautiful place and I feel very lucky to have grown up there.

So, let’s take a fieldtrip…

Photo #1 This is where Brian and Annaleah first met. This place is very familiar to me. It’s about a ten minute walk from the house I grew up in. During the summers, when I was younger, my friends and I were always outside. Whether we were just wandering around, sitting and talking, or being naughty, my neighborhood was the perfect backdrop.

Brian and I met
on the first really warm day in March.
The kind of day where you feel
as if your bones are thawing out,
and all you want to do
is be outside.
So I went for a walk
and found a sunny spot by the bay,
where I sat and stared at the water.
I don’t know how long I was there,
but it was a while.
When I finally got up,
I heard someone say,
“But I’m not done yet.”
I quickly turned around.
Not twenty feet behind me
was a guy about my age.
He was holding a sketchbook
and smiling.
He was cute,
really cute,
with dark brown hair
and blue eyes.

Photo #2 This is the basketball court where Brian died. It’s just a few minute walk from where the previous picture was taken. This is where a lot of my guy friends would go and play basketball. And I would inevitably sit and watch, waiting for “something” to happen. Next to the court is a big ball field and a jungle gym for little kids. And to the right there’s a patch of woods and marsh that was always fun to explore. There’s also a little inlet from the bay that you can kind see in the way back of the image. Even now, it’s hard to believe how close this is to craziness of Manhattan.

“Something happened today
while Brian was playing basketball,”
said Marissa.
An injury, I figured;
he had a broken leg or something.
But what was with all the drama?
And why was she
calling to tell me?
We hadn’t talked in weeks.
Marissa said, “No one knows
exactly what happened yet.
But he died, Annaleah.
I am so sorry.
I hate that I am the one
telling you this.
Especially after . . .”

I stopped listening.
My whole body was shuddering.
Uncontrollable.

Photo #3 This is where Annaleah watches the Fourth of July fireworks with her friends. One of the best things about this seawall is that it’s hidden from the road and snakes along the bay for a few hundred feet. I think I had my best teenage kiss along this wall. It was pouring rain…very dramatic.

We pick a spot on the seawall
that can’t be seen from the road.
We sit with our legs dangling
over the edge,
waiting for the show to start.

Joy tells us about the new guy
she been talking to.
Parker tells us about the trip
he’s going to take with his family
to the Grand Canyon.
Their lives are moving forward.
Mine is stagnant.

The first fireworks blast knocks
these thoughts from my head.
For a moment, the black sky is lit up
with a shower of sparks
and we are all temporarily cast in red.
All I can think of is blood.
Brian’s heart bursting.
Tears well up in my eyes
and I’m glad
that Parker and Joy
are looking at the fireworks
and not at me.

Photos #4-6 These are a few pictures from the cemetery where I imagined Brian is buried. This is less than five minutes by car from the places above. I took tons of pictures at the cemetery a when I started writing You Are Not Here. I had print outs of them tacked up near my desk so I could look at them for inspiration.

Outside, the late June air
is heavy and hot,
but it’s better than in my room.
I’m not sure where I’m going,
but when my flip-flops hit the sidewalk,
I know.

I walk down the street
and take a right turn.
I go two more blocks
and find myself at the cemetery.

It doesn’t take long before I hear it—
the sound of dirt and rock
sliding against metal shovels.
There are men digging Brian’s grave.
They are digging a hole
in the cool earth,
on a hot day for the boy who has occupied
my thoughts and my heart
for the last three months,
for the boy I lost
my virginity to,
for the boy I think I loved.

I’ve heard these guys dig before.
I’ve heard these guys talking,
but today I want to scream
them into silence.
I want to tell them
to have some respect
and not talk
about everyday things,
like how hot it is
or how much more
they have to dig.
This
is not
every day.

So, that’s it! Thanks for taking the tour with me. I hope that you check out You Are Not Here, and my first book, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. Read more about them here: samanthaschutz.net.

Since I loved taking these photos so much, I am hosting a You Are Not Here photo contest. I’m taking submission until 12/20/10.

Official Contest information:

• to enter, please fill out the form below
• entrants must be 13 years of age or older
• contest deadline is November 12, 2010
• contest open to US & Canada*
• ONE ENTRY PER PERSON!
• check out my Contest Policy/Privacy Policy