This post is kicking off my literary top tens. Over the summer, I'll be doing top ten lists of my 'favorite summer reads'... 'literary crushes'... 'kick ass heroines' ...etc. but I wanted to do a little something more personal to start it off. Thus... the 10 Things I hate about me! It's really just a list of things that I wish I could change about myself! I've done a lot of self reflection that last couple days, it's crazy what you think about when you're not sleeping.
It is a personal post, so if that's not your thing, you might want to skip over this one. But if you'd like to know a little bit more about the person behind the blog, this one's for you!
1. I am a bad friend.
I'm a lousy friend. I really am. I mean, if a friend is having a crisis, you better believe I will be there. But I'm the worst friend when it comes to phone calls, emails, thinking of you cards. My friends don't hear from me for months... I'm a bad friend. I'm not just like that with my friends though, I do the same thing with my family. I love my mom to death, but I am so not one of those offspring that have to call their moms everyday. Not that there is anything wrong with the people that do, it just isn't me.
I think this may also be the reason I have a hard time making friends and keeping them and probably why I had a hard time making friends in school too. It's not that I don't want to be friends with you, it's just that I'm a lousy one, and you'll end up being the one to do most of the work to keep it going. I know this and yet I can't seem to change it. What is my problem?
This is also why I assume, I'm not drowning in friends in the blogging world... it's not you, it's me!
2. I'm a procrastinator.
I'm such a horrible procrastinator! I'm the worst when it comes to staying on top of my inbox, my reviews and the laundry pile. Like it is so hard to do laundry, you put it in and take it out! The machine does all the work, and yet I still manage to slack on it.
My inbox is the worst. I need to stop checking it from multiple places and wait until I have the time to reply to the emails if needed. I always check them on my phone and think I'll have to reply to them later. Then two weeks to a month later, I finally get around to it. That is just so unacceptable in my book, yet I cannot stop doing it!
And my reviews... I'm not even going to get into it. Although I have been a little bit better with this as of late. I still have a lot that I need to work on.
3. I'm insecure.
I feel like I should have at least grown out of my insecurities after adolescents, but it doesn't seem to be the case. I'm insecure about my weight, about my hair, my teeth, my toes, my butt, boobs, thighs... you get the idea. I also struggle with insecrities about my abilities. Am I smart enough to want to do this and that? Am I brave enough to do that? I'm one big ball of self-conscoiusness!
And I don't have any good reason to be! I need to give myself a good slap of confidence!
4. I don't have thick skin.
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Bull shit!
My feelings are hurt easily. Something that I wish wasn't the case. I think it probably stems from being very shy as a child and being teased viciously because of it. People are cruel. It sucks.
I still have a hard time dealing with it today, and unfortunately it's become something that I've had to deal with more frequently because of my blog. I never anticipated that! In some weird way it's started to help me, because I've had to learn that it doesn't matter what you do. People are going to think what they want about you. You can try to change their mind but most of the time it won't matter. Don't waste your time on those people. You are better off without their negativity. (see look at that, I just wrote a little pep talk for myself!)
Luckily I have an awesome support group of people that have helped me get through these instances!
5. I have no fashion sense.
Really I don't. My wardrobe consists of jeans and t-shirts. I feel like a frumpy log.
When I go on my once a year shopping trip... seriously... I always have to ask the ladies working there if they can help me find things that look good together. And accessories... horrible at that. I'll try to get a necklace or bracelet and always forget I have them. It's rather embarrassing. Especially at the family get together at the in-laws... they are are very well put together and fancy, have their nails done and all that glamorous stuff... and then there is me. I need to be on that show 'What Not to Wear'!
Someday when I win the lottery I will just have to have a fashion consultant!
6. I'm introverted.
Is it weird that being in large groups of people wears me down? I prefer small groups any day, or even better being by myself. I wonder if being introverted is the same thing as being antisocial.
7. I'm selfish.
I think this is probably number one reason I don't have any children. I guess I should say that I'm not selfish so much that I never think about other people. I mean I'm selfish because sometimes when my dog wakes me up to pee at 3 in the morning, I'll make him hold it!
I like to buy myself things... and I like to get up and go whenever I have the whimsy to do so.
8. I'm not spontaneous.
I plan. I'm a planner. All things. My days, my vacations, my meals... it is horrible. And I do it weeks sometimes even months ahead of time.
I can't just wake up and go with the flow. Well... that's not completely true, I do that occasionally, but if I have things that I need to do, I have a plan. Make lists, write things down. If I don't write something down it's like it never happened. What's going to happen to me in thirty years... I don't even want to know.
I'd like to be more spontaneous, I'll have to try it out sometime. Fly by the seat of my pants and all that jazz.
9. I love junk food.
MMMM salty... sweet. Me love me some junk food. A little bit too much actually. Why can't I crave some celery or carrots!
Although I do love my fruits! I usually crave salty things, like popcorn, or nachos, anything with cream cheese! lol. Really anything that isn't all that great for you, I probably love to eat it!
10. I don't have any superpowers.
I don't have any! Not even a little one like telekinesis. It's so unfair!
Do you have something about yourself that you'd like to change?